The Love We Shared – Psilohuasca Retreat Holland, Jul 19 – 21

Psilohuasca Retreat Holland - header image
Surrender

As I was lying down on my mattress, I was consciously able to release all fear and resistance to the mushroom. I even managed to doze off at the beginning of my trip.

Every psychedelic trip of mine usually brings very uncomfortable feelings of panic, anxiety and worry with it but this time it felt like coming home.

Theoretically, the job of every psychonaut is to create space for Plant Spirit to work with us by completely surrendering to it. Practically speaking, it takes both practice and courage to submit yourself entirely to the unknown. It was the first time in my history of psychedelics use that I was able to surrender so deeply.

The greatness of human power is the measure of our surrender. – William Booth

I trusted both the mushroom and our caretaker “O” that everything would be alright and there was nothing to be afraid of.

As a side note, even though “O” initially planned on taking mushrooms with us, due to some stomach upset he eventually decided not to. For the night our ceremony room was his domain and we were his subjects whom he tended with utmost openness, understanding, love and care!

The Tunnel & Meeting The Void

Psilohuasca Retreat Holland, Jul 19 – 21 - The Tunnel imageMy trip began quite slowly. I really was feeling the presence of the mushroom and was able to communicate with it on a very subtle level.

In the beginning there was this tunnel that I was going through with beautiful psychedelic patterns that surrounded me. There was this big space that I ended up within. Then the question arose: what next, please show me the next stage where I need to be? Then I started to lose my breath and broke out in sweat. I became overwhelmed, then told myself to release all judgment and stay with the experience. Surrender followed, and here I am in a space that I basically can very little remember of. I am both the experiencer and the experienced!

My process in the middle of the trip was quite unconscious. It’s very unusual for me because I normally was able to remember quite well every detail of each of my trips in the past.

Very remotely I remember that someone in the room was screaming in English. It was a male voice and I wondered who exactly that was? I remember I could sense through his skin and felt how disturbed he was. Then I started to send him love so that he could find some relief.

I also could hear many voices that surrounded me but was unclear whether these were the voices of the ceremony participants or some other entities or both?

What I am also not clear on is: did I hear all this before the peak of my trip or after since all sense of time disappeared for me!?

The Return

As the morning came, I was beginning to slowly return to my senses. I remember our caretaker “O” was asking me whether I was OK and hugging me. I was alright and was filled with happiness, gratitude and deep love for him and everyone in the room.

Even though my body felt very stiff because I was confined to my mattress during the whole night and didn’t move enough I remember how our souls were communicating in the language that the mind would never be able to understand.

Then images of my mother flashed before me. She had been feeling terribly ill for months. I started to send her healing energy and love to help her in her situation.

“O” was good to all of us that night and I couldn’t stop myself thanking him and the mushrooms for allowing me to experience so much love.

Also, I remember that other people next to me, were touching me and asking me something. I was so overwhelmed with gratitude, I couldn’t stop myself smiling with a big smile on my face to myself and the world. It felt as if I had known all these people for an eternity and they all were my family.

Celebrating Life

It was not a quiet morning. I sensed all these people jumping up and screaming around me. It was one big celebration, a party in honour of Life itself.

Life is what you celebrate. All of it. Even its end. – Joanne Harris

My process was quite different from others. Physically I couldn’t imagine myself getting up and dance. However, I was celebrating with the rest of the group, if only in my mind.

With every cell in my body I felt how happy we were. It felt good. There was this innocence of a child awakened in everyone of us. People were dancing, singing, jumping. No rules, no stifling control, no keeping up appearances.

Every single day of life is to be celebrated. Life is bliss. There is so much to be grateful for. The mushroom unlocked that childish innocence in all of us and it felt like heaven! Story continues…

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Comments

  1. What a fantastic report. Magically written and deeply inspiring.

  2. Bailey James says:

    Without a doubt well written, hair raising and flow adrenal. A lifting read indeed.
    Thx

    • Visionary Universe says:

      Thanks for your encouraging comment. Yes, it was one of the most beautiful ceremonies I’ve ever attended. In October, I will be again in another Psilohuasca ceremony with the same people from last time. Another epic post will follow…

  3. You write beautifully my darling**Thanks for sharing

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